Simple Pleasures

When I meet a new person, i like to ask them what their simple pleasures are. i just feel like you can get so much insight into a person by their response to this question. how creative they get, and more importantly how simple they get.

My biggest pet peeve is when someone answers that question with not so simple pleasures. like "spending time with my friends" or "my niece" or "playing sports". not only are these responses boring, but they dont offer me any insight into you and they are not really simple. I know its wierd that i ask people this question, then have expectations for their answer. but its just so dissapointing when the simplest pleasure one can think of is their family.

When i think of my simple pleasures, i think of the following...

• pepsi on ice
• sand between my toes on the beach
• the word "detroit"
• a child saying "i get it"
• the smell of suntan oil
• driving with the heat on and the windows down
• good beer
• fresh mangoes
• going to nba games
• flip flops
• big macs
• duck pin bowling
• pedicures
• laying out by a pool with a beer
• brownies
• crowds
• roller coasters
• furry kitty cats
• sudoku puzzles
• cupcakes with sprinkles
• someone playing with my hair
• indoor rock climbing
• heated conversations
• doodling
• dr. suess
• smiley faces

i could go on and on and on...but do you get my point? simple pleasures. i dont know, maybe i'm just strange. but i think happiness is in the little things. its the things that make you smile when you least expect it. the things that send you to your happy place.

Dont get me wrong, my family and my friends are very important to me. and they make me happier than anything on my list above. but i just dont consider them simple pleasures...maybe i should, and i just have it all twisted. who knows?

what are your simplest pleasures??

When is it ok to say "yes"?

At what point in the dating process is it "ok" to sleep with a man? is there a set time limit? I mean as a woman we have this constant battle in our head...

"if i sleep with him too soon he will think i am easy..."

"if i hold out for too long he will get bored and look elsewhere..."

"i want to do it but i feel that i shouldnt..."

"what if i do it, then learn thats all he wanted..."

"how do i know if he likes me for me..."

"i dont want to devalue the meaning of sex by acting to quick..."

In our society, sex and dating have become synonomous with one another. Rarely do you find a couple that is "dating" and not having sex. Have we as a society devalued the precious interaction known as sex? Have we transformed it from a priveledge to an expectation? Do we still utilize the same discretion in selecting our sexual partners? Should I feel guilty after each sexual encounter?

Do men have these same concerns, or are their brains just wired differently? Do they even think about their "numbers"? Do they ever turn down sex for fear of what the woman might think of them? Do they hold out to make things more meaningful? I seriously doubt it...

But then the question becomes, does holding out actually make sex more meaningful? My most successful relationship, which lasted for almost three years...started with sex on the first date. Going to show that early sex is not always detrimental. But it just seems like so many men are just looking for sex, so i am constantly concerned that i am just another notch on their belt. and thats a lowly feeling. especially since the man did such a good job of convincing me that i was more than an easy lay. after its all said and done, thats when you learn whether he was worth it or not. and if he was...you got lucky. and if he wasnt? well, its too late for that.

How does a woman know whether she is just a notch, or a genuine romantic interest? How does she know when its ok to say "yes"? Can she know? Or does she just continue to roll the dice and hope...?

Snow Day!

This has got to be one of the greatest feelings in the world...a snow day. The sheer suprise of it all, the waiting involved...its almost orgasmic.

Ok, for all of you "non-teachers", imagine this. you wake up to go to work. you shower, get dressed, and while you are downing a bowl of cereal, you watch the news. on the news there is this little ticker at the bottom that reads (for all intents and purposes) "go back to bed, you dont need to venture out into the cold today, we'll pay you and we will not charge you a personal day for it...see you tomorrow". now tell me, how can you beat that?

today's snow day was a little different. they let us know at 9pm LAST nite. thats right, i didnt even set my alarm for this morning. around 6pm last night as i was frantically trying to get through a mammoth stack of papers that needed to be graded for today (while coping with a tough pistons loss), a friend who teaches in a neighboring district told me they were off for the snow. that was it. thats when the grading ceased, and i sat in front of my computer refreshing the school closings list for 3 hours...14 school districts had cancelled by 6pm, by 8pm there were 45, and sure enough...by 9pm my district had posted that they would be closed. time for a beer!

so what i am going to do with my snow day? ha...grade the papers that i didnt finish last night...

Black History Month

This morning, on my way to work (after not having worked ALL week...) I made my routine stop at the Exxon gas station by my house for a bottle of Propel and a Pepsi on ice. When I was at the register, I noticed a stack (a very large stack, might i add...) of flyers on the counter. My curiousity lured me in and I started reading...

A nicely printed flyer on shiny paper. A colorful collage of what appeared to be african american professionals - a scientist, a member of the armed forces, a businesswoman, a man in a tie...decorated the front of the flyer with the following sentence: "We honor those who dedicate their lives to building, protecting and educating America." The back the flyer reads: "Exxon and Mobil retailers are proud to celebrate the contributions of the many pioneers who changed not only the way we all think, but the way we all live: doctors, educators, scientists, inventors, innovators, community leaders and humanitarians whose efforts continue to impact both the African-American community and America as a whole. So, this Black History Month, we celebrate where we've been and where we're all going, together."

Thats it. No coupon, no promotion, no special event scheduled, no fun african-american factoids...just 3 sentences that say we support black history month. so why, you ask, did this deserve a blog entry?

Well, i thought it was kinda strange that there were like 600 flyers on the counter...implying "please take one". what am i to do with such a flyer? hang it on my fridge? frame it? share it with a friend and say "hey, my gas station supports black history month"? if it had a coupon on it, i'd save it. if it had fun facts, i'd share them, if it had a special event, i might even attend. but it had none of that. just three sentences. kinda seemed like a waste of paper to me...they could have just made a poster for the door.

so i asked the lady at the register..."Whats the point of these flyers?" and she just shrugged her shoulders.

I know the point...Exxon and Mobil put out flyers advertising that they are not racist. I think that had to be their intention. They should have saved the ink and just made flyers that said "We are not racist". I mean, that is the only point i can come up with anyway. It just seemed so illogical and stupid to me. It's like me walking around telling people that i am not racist...you just don't advertise that. and from my experiences, anyone (or any company in this case) that feels the need to make a public statement proclaiming that they are not racist...probably is.

So basically, Exxon and Mobil presumably put out millions of flyers saying "We are not racist" indicating that we, as customers, have reason to believe they are. If someone can come up with another possible motivator of publishing these flyers, I'd love to hear it...

The money spent on flyers could have been better spent actually DOING something in honor of this special month. As for me, I think a poster honoring black history month would have done the job...

High as a Kite

So I had another bladder surgery yesterday. Won't know whether or not it worked for another six weeks. and if it didnt, i will have to go through this same isht again. woo hoo...

surgery left me in quite a bit of pain, and it didnt help that my monthly friend came in for a visit 2 hours before the procedure. so now, the expected surgery pain is coupled with some horrific cramps. great.

at least the doctor gave me some great pain meds. when i take them, the pain just magically disappears. too bad that i cant function on them. i'm feeling better but now i am too high to accomplish anything without getting extremely nauseous or dozing off. my brain is racing and my fingers cant keep up, making it very difficult to type coherent sentences. i'm not supposed to drive, cant do any work and i am sick of sleeping...

so i am just sitting here high as a kite...reminiscing on what life was like back in college, when we used to enjoy this feeling...

Internet Dating

I remember at the onset of the internet era, there was much concern that computers would replace human interaction. People worried that we would forget how to communicate on a good old fashioned face-to-face basis. Have we realized our fear? Have we forgotten the people skills necessary for real-life communication? Look at internet dating...

Match.com, Eharmony.com, Yahoo! Personals...so many choices...

What ever happened to meeting people at the local bar or club, or having a friend set you up on a blind date? Internet dating seems much easier, more time-efficient and is becoming more and more popular. Years ago if you said "i met him online" people would look at you funny...now, its almost normal. Internet dating is not just for the below-average looking folks, or the computer nerds...not anymore.

But it works right? I mean, Match.com claims to be the root of over 100 marriages and engagements each month. And it makes perfect sense. For the same cost as a night out on the town (by the time you figure cover to a club, a few drinks, etc.) you get an entire month's subscription to a dating site. Not only can you surf pictures, but you can customize your search based on a plethora of options - geography, age, income, education, body type, children, job, hobbies, and more. You can't do that at the bar. You then send an icebreaker, or a wink - just to test the waters, to see if he is interested. Then the emailing starts, eventually moving on to instant messaging, then a phone call, and eventually (if he has made it through all the previous phases successfully) a first date.

At a bar, on a typical saturday night, you might talk to a guy or two...online you can chat with a handful of guys in one night...maybe more. At the bar, you meet someone's representative...online you get insight into that person's character through their self-authored bio. its like an advanced screening process. and because its over a computer as opposed to a face-to-face encounter - it is really easy to say "you are not my type", and being rejected doesnt hurt. you can ask the tough questions without feeling embarrased, and be candid in your responses - what do you have to lose?

A few warnings tho...based on my experiences. watch out for the closed mouth pics - probably means he is hiding a nasty grill. or the head shot only people...they probably don't have a body worth bragging about. online dating allows people to hide their faults, and glorify their strengths. you can be who you want in your profile and you can leave out the things you are ashamed of.

Sounds easy, right? Unfortunately, its not. It takes a lot of time and many bad dates. But do I believe? Sure. Why not? I've made some great friends on dating sites, and been on a handful of great dates too.

So are we fogetting how to interact in person? I don't think so. Because the truth is not told until the face-to-face encounter. the online portion of the dating cycle can only last so long...eventually we need to meet. Reading someone's blog just doesn't have the same effect as meeting for lunch. Reading an email doesn't cultivate butterflies like a first date can. and even the greatest of IM conversations can't compare to a long night of conversing on the couch in each others arms.

The "D"

"...And I Welcome u to Detroit City
I said welcome to Detroit City..."
-Eminem



That was the theme song this weekend as I ventured home to good ole Motown for superbowl weekend. The city had been taken over by a mob of fanatics dressed in yellow and black, waving terrible towels...but it still looked beautiful to me.

My plane landed late on friday nite, but we still ventured downtown for a sneak peak of the motor city. WOW. Detroit did it...they worked so hard to make it pretty for this weekend, and boy did it ever look good. it was definately detroit in its brightest hour. the construction cones were obsolete, no pot holes on the way into the city, they built fancy bridges on the highway, even gave the big tire a new hubcap! Rumor has it that the ugly abandoned buildings were covered with giant pillowcases and the homeless were paid to get out of downtown...detroit had an impression to make. Amazing advertisements lit up the sides of buildings, people flooded the streets of greektown and hockeytown, the people mover was filled to capacity, winterfest and cobo entertained families, there were even retail spots in the city!

Maybe I am biased because i love the city, and truly believe in its potential...but everyone i asked said they were impressed with the city (well, except for the AWFUL weather we had). Detroit proved to the world that it can be a world-class city. granted, there is still a TON of work to be done...but this weekend offered a sneak-peak at the city's potential...and it made for a very happy Mo.

Boring People Suck

Boring people suck. They suck to talk to, they suck to work with, they just suck to be around. You know the type of person that will speak in monotone...never gets excited about anything. the person that will have an entire conversation without changing their tone at all. bleh. Then they call you...and you feel guilty ignoring them...almost like you feel bad for them and want to add some joy to their life.

"hey, just thought about you. was walking around the target looking for a lamp, they have one i like but its not the right shade of burgandy. maybe i will just get it anyway. oh wait they dont have one in a box. the one plugged in has a tag on it, maybe i'll just unplug it and take it up to the register. well maybe i should get someone to see if they have any in the back, oh nevermind i dont feel like it. there is this guy that keeps staring at me. i wonder if i know him from somewhere..." and on and on and on...all in a monotone voice...

and he talked for almost 6 minutes (yes i timed it as the conversation was so dull i needed something to occupy my thoughts) and for the entire time i said NOTHING. not even an "umm hmm"...but apparently that didnt phase him...he just kept on going with his target store play by play. puuuh-lease!! stop torturing me...

how do you make it through life being so boring? find something that makes you happy. anything. start a collection, drink a beer, get laid, ANYTHING. i just sit there and listen in disbelief. it boggles my mind that a person can be so dull...

i hope people like that have a happy side somewhere...and i am just not privvy to it. at least i hope that is the case because its too depressing to think that they dont...

First Generation Americans

I went to get my nails done today...

there was a new young lady working who did my nails. it was oddly refreshing to have an american-born women do my nails (consiering i was at a vietnamese shop). We were able to have great conversation during my much-needed mani. turns out that her parents own their own nail shop in Laurel where she had been working since she was 14. she left their shop to come out here and work for her best friend's husband. she said that she just couldnt handle being around her parents ALL the time. they put too much pressure on her. wanted her to be a doctor. she majored in psychology. wanted her to get a high paying job somewhere. she wanted to do nails. it was fascinating to hear her talk about her experiences as a first-generation American. there were so many parallels between her experiences and my own...

then it was time to get my eyebrows done...

the owner's mother did that. she only speaks broken english, but due to my frequent visits, i have developed a relationship with her. she had me laying on a bed-like thing, rubbing hot wax onto my face. she asked if i had a boyfriend. i said no. she seemed suprised. knowing my age, it was hard for her to believe that my parents had not yet married me off. she asked why i didnt just go to india to find a husband. ummm...no. then she proceeded to tell me how her son had dated an american once and it made her so mad. that she wouldnt accept an american into her house and how he had ended up marrying a vietnamese woman and how it made her so happy.

what?!?!?!

Guess what lady?? I AM AN AMERICAN.

The children of immigrants to this country have a battle to fight that is very unique because we are not fighting it against just anyone. we are fighting it against our parents. we are a cultural group in our own. Mom, Dad, you brought me to the country to raise me as an american...where people CHOOSE to work in fields they like, where people CHOOSE who they marry. Its not fair for you to expect me to succumb to your cultural values when you raised me in THIS culture. I grew up watching tv shows and movies where people fall in love, even my neighbors parents' talk about when they fell in love. "arranged marriage" is not in my vocabulary. I went to schools where teachers told me i could do anything i wanted. but yet, when it came down to it, you told me what i HAD to study in college. If you didnt want american children, you should not have raised your children in America.

When i told the lady who was waxing my brows that i am an american (immediately following her 'americans are bad people' comment) - she got quiet. and tried so hard, bless her heart, to cover it up. "Its hard on the kids, they dont learn your culture" and i said "children learn whatever it is that you value, and its much harder on the kids when the parents dont love each other" she said "well these americans all believe in divorces". at that time she had finished my eyebrows. I stood up, looked her dead in the eye, and said "my parents are divorced"

...she had nothing left to say.