Lonley...

Its saturday night and i ain't got nobody...

i know that line makes it sound like i am desperate for a boyfriend, but its truly so much more than that. i'm at a point in life where i feel like i dont have anyone to hang out with. all my girlfriends in this state are married, or living with their significant others. they are great friends, but arent available to hang out as much as i would like. with them it seems like everything has to be planned, so they can get the "ok" from the mister. but nights like tonite, i just want to call a girlfriend up and say "come sit on the couch and watch a chick flick with me - i'll buy some ice cream." No such luck. my only single friend informed me a few weeks ago that she is dating a woman. she spends all her time with the new girlfriend. (i am still weirded out by this...two months ago we were checking out men together...)

so i have no girlfriends to call on when i get lonely on a saturday night. they invite me over to hang out in the land of the married couple, but that just doesnt sound like fun. i do it every now and then, but in a way its more depressing than being home alone - makes me want a husband of my own...but i really dont...

so then when i spend this lonely time without girlfriends, it makes me wish i had a man. just someone to lay on the couch with, share massages with, tell funny stories to, cuddle with, wake up to. in the past i've been a relationship person. from the beginning of 1998 until the end of 2004 i was in relationships back to back. since then my dating life has been rather non-committal. just a few dates here and there, but nothing constant. its kinda depressing...i hate the dating game, i just want to meet my mister right instead of casually dating around. it gets rather boring...dating for me has been like groundhogs day. same date over and over again. i just want to meet a man and click...i want to look forward to his phone calls. i am tired of dating. i am tired of getting all dolled up to go meet a new man for drinks, only to learn that i am just not that into him or vice versa.

i'm tired of lonely nights on the couch, i'm tired of not having friends that want to go out, i'm tired of going on lots of dates, i'm tired of being lonely...