Playing Chicken

We fight about the principle. In theory we probably agree, but we are both so stubborn we need it done our way. I want you to do A so I can do B and you insist that until I do B you will not do A. It’s a vicious cycle that cannot be broken unless someone backs down and says, “fine, we’ll do it your way”. I don’t want to be that someone, because it defies the morals and values that I hold dearly. You don’t want to be that someone for the same reason. We sit and stare at each other as if playing chicken: waiting for one person to give in. Our stubbornness says I’m not giving in, I’d rather give up. But if we give up, we both lose. Isn’t better to have one winner than to have two losers? I am a people pleaser, so it is me that will back down and do it your way. I just hate that I am that way, I hate that I had to compromise what is important to me to satisfy you. And what hurts the most is that I am not certain that you would ever do it for me. I hope that I’ve made the right decision. I want to make you happy, even if it requires me to sacrifice what is important to me. I believe that keeping things happy between us is more important right now than fighting for a principle, regardless of how important that principle is to me. So the point has been proven – you won the chicken fight. I give in because I refuse to give up.

so i lied...

In november I said I would become more regular with my blogging but that hasnt happened. Perhaps I'm just not cut out to be a blogger anymore? Who knows? But today, as I was trying to get some papers done for school I developed writer's block. So I opened a word document and started typing and it reminded me of how much i loved blogging. While I dont have time tonight to really write a "catch up" blog, I thought I would at least post the blog I typed while at the coffee shop this afternoon. Maybe once the semester is over (two more weeks!!) I will start blogging again...but dont hold your breath, i've said that before...